July 25, 2014

Coming Face to Face with Jealousy


CURRENTLY PLAYING: "BIG GIRLS CRY" - SIA 

Putting up a facade when deep inside you're broken into pieces in front of the world is the hardest thing to live through. Going through a breakup with someone you genuinely had/have feelings for is the hardest thing in life we all wish we can erase. Why do people choose to break someone's heart? Why are there evil people in the world who don't care about other's feelings whatsoever? The only answer to all of this is to "SIMPLY" move on, right? 

The first few days after a breakup are the hardest. No, I take that back, the first hours after a breakup is like sitting under a hot scorching sun; equivalent to HELL. A lot of things are running through your mind; Will we ever get back together? Can we remain friends? What if he/she moves on to someone better? or even the biggest question of them all, Is he/she going to have SEX right away? 

I'd be the first to say I get very jealous when I'm going through a breakup. Especially when you and your partner have become sexually active. No human being wants to see the person they've loved or been with for a period of time with someone else giving them what he/she has given you that was eventful and pleasurable. I'm very possessive, what intimately was mine remains mine. I don't want anyone else to feel that no matter what. 

I don't necessarily think about what my ex is doing or dealing within the first few days after the breakup; I'm SUPERMAN, I can move on and find another. I only become inquisitive once I start seeing the changes in my ex's social media activity. If I see their following or friend's added going up, I begin to get somewhat jealous as to who are you talking to now. I do more than often check my ex's social media pages more than frequently. I AM HUMAN, I AM IN MY FEELINGS! I can't be the only one. 

My jealousy really starts to get the best of me when I can't find the "RIGHT" person to occupy my time or fill that void of my ex. Am I the only one who thinks the best of their ex? For example: Like do you assume he/she has gotten a new BETTER job, moved or have become more social than you are? In reality we want our ex to feel sad and depressed until we have gotten over the breakup and moved on to someone else. 

JEALOUSY is a humanistic trait within all of us, especially to most of us who wear our hearts on our sleeve. I'm not afraid to say I'm a jealous person after a breakup. I don't want my ex to be HAPPY if I'm not happy. I don't want my ex to move on unless I feel it's time. I don't want my ex to have sex with anyone else  until I think it's time. I don't want anyone to be happy with my ex except for me. 

CAN AN EX REALLY BE IRREPLACEABLE?